Indulgio Ad Absurdum
For the past week I've been working with a person who contacted me with a credible tip that could help solve my sister's murder.
Don't get too excited - I get a lot of these "tips", sometimes they are interesting, but misguided. Often it's people with information that is entirely irrelevant, they just want to talk to someone. Very often it's real fruit-cake stuff.
But this one is different. It got my interest. There was enough detailed information there to get me preoccupied. Forgive me for being a tease, but there's not a whole lot I can discuss about it - I turned it over to the police, they are looking into it.
While we're waiting for them to get back to me, allow me a brief moment to talk about the blog.
First things: By their nature, blogs are self-indulgent. You either like that or you don't. Now I hate blogs that have posts explaining what the blog is all about: it's about whatever's there before your eyes. Still, I'm going to break my rule and do a little self-conscious doodling about my motives and intentions which are sometimes misunderstood.
A while ago I read a posting about my site on another weblog. The message said something to the effect of, "somebody please help this poor man who has suffered for 25-years...". Now I appreciate the support, but I'm really not suffering. This site gives the perception that I'm preoccupied with death and murder 24-7, but that is not the case. I have a family. I have a life. I have outside interests. They are off limits. They are none of your business. I am actually a ton-of-fun outside the world of the blog. And most of what I write is tongue in cheek - I have a pretty ripped sense of humor.
I don't like that word "closure". A victim who lost their parents over seven years ago recently asked me, "when does it go away". It doesn't. You form a thick, hard scar. But sometimes that scar tickles you. It tells you things. It doesn't always haunt you. It can be a gift if you allow it to be.
Yes, I do want to solve the murder of my sister, but not because I will then find closure. I bare no hostility to the individual that did this - yet. They were just doing what they do. My bitterness and resentment is reserved for a system that failed to come to the aid and support of my parents. I want to solve the crime to prove that -even after 25-years - it can be done. It just takes a little dedication.
A good friend - whose ancestors died in concentration camps during World War II - recently emailed me with a revelation: "Ah..." he blurted "you're not keeping your blog to solve a crime, you do it so that this horrible event in your life - that once slipped from memory - will never again be forgotten."
There it is.
posted by John Allore @ 4/15/2004 09:47:00 AM
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